More Life

“And in the end I want my biggest Accomplishment to be that I was able to find the middle in-between all these Highs and Lows”

This is truly a goal I have set for myself. Some days I feel like I am kicking bipolars ass and somedays it feels like it’s kicking mine. No, I don’t obsess about being bipolar 24/7 but it is something I am aware of and make sure I take precautions when needed. Such as making  sure I am taking my medication regularly , strive for a healthy diet (work in progress) and yep I even have a therapist. Which for some reason bothers me the most. Having to sit down and discuss the events or everyday interactions with someone who feels like a stranger. The good thing for me I guess is the fact they are unbiased for the most part. I do feel better after going but its still something a struggle with.

From the outside looking in it may surprise some friends and family that I have bipolar disorder. I have the good job, have a house, nice car, help in my community, love making people laugh, I love to motivate people and provide encouragement.  So when I tell people they don’t seem to take me seriously.

Well here it is in group therapy share session 101..Hi my name is Stephanie and have in fact been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I have extremely high moments and I have earth shattering low moments. Sometimes even in the same day! I thought finding out and starting treatment was the low for me and it would be smooth sailing from here on out now that I knew.. Little did I know the storm had just beginning.

So shoutout to all the people who struggle with bipolar or any mental illness. You all are an inspiration and so never give up your fight. Reading others blogs about their journey and resilience has inspired me to start my own. This blog is more than just my life. It is an outlet for everyone whether you have bipolar or not to share their expierencs, struggles, achievements, gain information and hopefully it will encourage everyone to keep fighting. Sometimes it may not feel like it but every day you wake up, put your feet on the ground and get yourself up is a win for not only you but for us all.

We have been given a challenging illness, and there is no other option than to meet those challenges. Think of it as an opportunity to be heroic — not ‘I survived living in Mosul during an attack’ heroic, but an emotional survival. An opportunity to be a good example to others who might share our disorder. That’s why it’s important to find a community — however small — of other bipolar people to share experiences and find comfort in the similarities.” – Carrie Fisher

Black & White

There is wrong and there is right. Absolutely sure or 100% its not. It’s one extreme or the other there is no grey area for me. This is how I see the world and have seen it all my life. I think in extremes of overly happy to world crashing sadness. I thought that everyone thought this way because it is my normal. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in the summer of 2015 and every day since then I am still trying to figure out if it is a good thing knowing or wishing I don’t. The signs were all there though: the implosive buying, 2 motorcycles purchased and sold withen a 3 month period, I was right and everyone else was wrong. The one thing that is most frustrating for me is waking up some days and think to myself why in the world am I with this person, I don’t like them, I don’t love them, why am I friends with them. I can literally be on my way to work and on my drive think of a million reasons I don’t like this person. Sad thing though these are my friends, my family, my partner. To be clear I love all these people but only after I have calmed down do I start to process rational again. It has been this way all my life. Through the years it happened so much that I would have to stop dead in my tracts and reassure myself that I love and care about them and I am just having one of those “moments again” and this worked or I thought it was working. I have lost way to many people because of this. I know no ones struggle is the exact same but if anyone with bipolar is reading this and may struggle with the same thing I would like to know how do you cope with this feeling or have any suggestions of what has helped you in the past.