For this blog it focuses on the downside of mania. I have never blogged when I am in a manic state before but here goes nothing..
I feel extraordinary today. I am invincible. The best way to describe how it feels its like being on the show Jack Ass and Fear Factor at the same time going a hundred miles an hour. No one can touch me. I am the greatest of all time. Intellectually I am superior. No one is on my level. I feel like I am right and everyone else is wrong. You cant get in my way because one wrong word or asking me about my medicine sends me crashing down and ruining my high. I am an asshole. I try and stay manic as long as I can because I know when I come off this high there is going to be that low part for me.
When the high subsides I have to deal with all the consequences of my actions. Every word I have said, all the hurt I have caused hits me like a brick wall. Mania ruins friendships and relationships. I cant ever take back the things I have done. Its easy to use the excuse I am Bi-Polar, sorry. I can tell you one thing though every action I own up to. Every word I have said, every thing I have done I own that shit. I am embarrassed and ashamed of the pain I have caused and work damn hard to repair all the damage. There have been more than a few times where the damage was done and nothing I could do to repair it..This is the downside of mania.