Black & White

There is wrong and there is right. Absolutely sure or 100% its not. It’s one extreme or the other there is no grey area for me. This is how I see the world and have seen it all my life. I think in extremes of overly happy to world crashing sadness. I thought that everyone thought this way because it is my normal. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in the summer of 2015 and every day since then I am still trying to figure out if it is a good thing knowing or wishing I don’t. The signs were all there though: the implosive buying, 2 motorcycles purchased and sold withen a 3 month period, I was right and everyone else was wrong. The one thing that is most frustrating for me is waking up some days and think to myself why in the world am I with this person, I don’t like them, I don’t love them, why am I friends with them. I can literally be on my way to work and on my drive think of a million reasons I don’t like this person. Sad thing though these are my friends, my family, my partner. To be clear I love all these people but only after I have calmed down do I start to process rational again. It has been this way all my life. Through the years it happened so much that I would have to stop dead in my tracts and reassure myself that I love and care about them and I am just having one of those “moments again” and this worked or I thought it was working. I have lost way to many people because of this. I know no ones struggle is the exact same but if anyone with bipolar is reading this and may struggle with the same thing I would like to know how do you cope with this feeling or have any suggestions of what has helped you in the past.

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