I miss my reality. This one that is the “real” one sucks. It’s hurtful, boring and ordinary. This is what I set out to achieve when I finally got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and decided to get help. To be normal. To live in the real world and see life for what it is and so called what it should be. I thought this was awesome I finally could see just how the world works as someone without a mental illness does. Well I am here two years later and stable. I hate it. It is so ordinary so boring. I feel like I have lost myself more than I have found it. I miss the madness the sheer impulsiveness the grandiosity of all my world consist of. In my world I could wake up on a random day and out of no where decide to get my masters degree to enroll set up classes and buy books all in the same day. Or start a business and get a tax id number for it the same day. I am having a hard time with maintaining stable when all I want to do is go back to my world where everything makes sense or at least to me it does.